I loved myself too much to be sinking with your ship. I have too much respect for myself than to stay with somebody that don’t know my worth. I won’t accept to be abused and disrespected. I ain’t putting my self worth in someone else hands. Never again. Never let someone treat you bad. Never let someone tell you what your worth. Never let someone break down your selfesteem. Break free! Quick! I will never allow myself that, again!
It’s been a lovely wednesday filled with creativity and passion.
I started out at nya verkstan, with my course in metal and design. I Just finished my first project (which gave me alot of ideas and inspiration) and started with a new project. I’m going to try out to make a silver bracelette, it’s fascinating to be able to start something from the beginning while seeing how it develops through the progress. It will be interesting to try this, since it’s a new technique for me. Afterwards I went to my drama course. It’s fun getting to know new people while growing and acting together. I really do love being aesthetic and creative, it brings joy, peace and happiness into my soul!! After finishing my day at Nya Verkstan, I then ended the day with a special meeting😍…but I cannot spoil any details yet.
Anyways, I’m grateful for being able to do the things I enjoy. Also for meeting such inspiring people and being part of their journey.
Warning for strong content! Sensitive people might not wanna read this.
So, I’ve been living with the diagnoses Ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) for a while. Some days ain’t easy.. yesterday I had a terrible nightmare again. I dreamed of my ex again.
He was hitting me and name calling me. I was so scared. I always feel the pain as it’s in real life. I remember I said something about needed to go to the toilet. And when he turned around I ran to the balcony climbing down one stair. My adrenaline was pumping. I could feel the fear in my whole body. As I went inside the apartment under I saw his friend. As the same time we hushed each other so my ex * couldn’t hear. I understand that in real life some friends knew about the beating and the harassment I went through. And they didn’t support it As well. Anyhow I heard my ex scream up stairs. By then I was terrified he would find me. I ran out from the apartment outside. And I saw him running after me. I ran as fast as I can praying for my life. But he ran faster. He took up a knife and started stabbing me and carving on my skin. I could feel the pain as it was real. I begged for my life but he didn’t listen. Then I found my inner strength and hit him and ran from that fucktard (sorry but not sorry for my language). I ran until I found a tunnel. But people was haunting me from his request. I ran and I ran. But they were too many. They caught me and started cutting me with knifes as well, carving and cutting of body parts. I screamed from the pain begging them to stop while they threw acid on me.. the Pain was so real. I saw how my skin burned and disappeared along with my body parts.. suddenly and thank God my boyfriend woke me up asking if I had a nightmare because I was kicking in my sleep.. It felt like I had a heart attack when I woke up.
That is just one of manyyy nightmares. Fun, right? The nightmares and the flashbacks is still haunting me. Many years after. It almost feel like the memory of him is carved in my bones. It’s so deep. For me Having ptsd comes with many nightmares, unwanted flashbacks with traumatizing memories, insomnia, anxiety, fears, conentrations difficulties etc. I can be around people and have fun and suddenly I get inklusive memories flashing through my mind.. it’s hard sometimes when people don’t take my diagnoses serious. And question me. I’m trying to do my best, but living with ptsd is complicated.
At the moment I’ve been waiting 1,5 years for my next therapy because of the long que and doctors that screwed up. It gives me more anxiety but I’m trying to cope. Because. Seriously. I will never. Ever. Let that asshole win. I won’t surrender knowing that was what he wanted. I cut loose. I’m free. And I will never ever again let anyone take my freedom from me. Fuck that bullshit. That is a promise I made to myself a Long time ago.
I hope my readers never have have to live how I lived 💜. Have you ever been in a violent relationship? Please share your experience and comment💜
Wow. I won’t stop to be amazed how two faced people can be. This last couple of year I’ve been dealing with some serious amount of snakes. You know those happy smiles and greatings you get in your face, but as soon as you turn around their mouths starts pouring shit. I’m a genuine person, either I like you or not. I don’t feel the urge to play games or talk behind people’s backs. But these people honestly made me feel like going through high school again, ugh. Sorry but not sorry for my language but trust me, I’m done with fake ass bitches. I’ve had my fair share of drama in my life, and I’m not looking to fill my life with more.
Me and my awesome friend Citty 💕 who also took these pictures. Holla 😊
I need genuine, loyal, real and friendly people with good vibes around me. Not two faces people that drains my energy. I’m happy that I have a small circle around me who gets me. They know the truth about me and I don’t need to prove my self for anyone. I’m getting to old to get caught up in dramaqueens life’s. Don’t you ever feel like you’ve had enough? That’s where I’m at..
I don’t wanna feel imprisoned by people, I don’t owe them my loyalty. Nor do I owe them my inner harmony. I’ll save my energy for things that excites me instead. It just annoyes me that some people never tend to grow up. I feel that those people are being very toxic and judgemental, I don’t need that kind of mindset or mentality in my life. So I choose to take a step back and enjoy my life with rather more honest people. Sorry for taking your time while complaining this time. But I really needed this out of my system. I hope everything is good with you all 😚.
Hey Ladies & Gentleman, How Are you? Hope everything is awesome with you 😘. Sorry for bad updates, I just Been super Busy with life. But I promiss I’ll try to update more sweetiepies. I got a fun suprise seeing that new people is finding My blog, and following My page! So big thank you, and I hope you enjoy My content 💋.
Our cozy mood ☺️
I had an awesome weekend with P, Liz, Johannes & more friends. Started at the restaurant ordering my favorite pasta, Cajun Pasta & took a drink til. Cajun pasta is th shit! Afterwards me and P went to a gaming place called nerds & took some drinks while we played some old school games. When we were finished there I went to see Johannes to go and party alittle at golden hits. There we meet up some other friends, which was awesome. When the club closed we went to eat at kebab house (Daamn I love food).
Me and Johannes My bestie 💕 Me just chilling at el friendo’s place.
But I didn’t feel like ending a fun time so I went home with my Bestie Johannes to his apartment and lighted some candles, took a drink, sang and gossiped. I stayed there until 10 Am before I took a cab home to P ❤️💋. He was so cute BorrowIng me some cozy clothes so I could get out of my jumpsuit, corset & high heels 👠! My feet was killing me! But yeah, Today I feel all relaxed and namaste, without Any hangover.
Sometimes I tend to think a lot. Many thoughts spinning around my head at the same time, and I’m having trouble to filter. What’s the sound of the world, and what’s my sound? Of my own. I’m an hsp person (hypersensitive person), also an empath an having ADD. That mix makes me extra sensitive for impressions, and I tend to take it all in. I can easily feel the energies of other when people around doesn’t react. It can both be a gift and a curse, because people with negative energies get attracted to my energy. But I also tend to meet awesome people.
At the moment I feel I’m at a crossroad in life. I’m not sure where to go, or what my next move should be. But I’m moving, I’m just not sure what my destination is. I reasontly been through many struggles, but I feel like the sun is up at the moment. What ever difficulties life will throw at me, I’ll be ready to fight..
Today I’m having a chill day to start with, Done some Cleaning and had My coffee. Waiting for the clock to be 4:30 pm so I can go and buy a new bike 😍. It’s a pink ride and I fell in love Hihi. I need my motivation and to start training again, had a lazy summer while I only ate delicious food and goodies lmfao. But how nice that may sound, I gained a little. So now I need to get my shit together and start training again.
I got invited to participate in Portugals fashion week soon, so I really need to get my body in shape. Don’t have a lot of time so that means I’ll need to Go all-in. My goals is to get back My body. Don’t want to disappoint the designer Sonja ❤️. I an
So back on track. Let’s make this happen. I might be willing to post some before and after pictures later on. I hope everyone will have an magical weekend with lots of love and laughs.